Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Creepy Dream
This afternoon (2-2-2011) I woke, truly terrified from the following dream:
I had been visiting someone at a 4-5 story apartment building. It was a large cement structure with an external cement staircase. Each landing in the staircase had a locked door leading to the apartment floor where all of the residents' personal apartment entrance was. I was on the top floor and could clearly see over the city from where I stood on the landing; and this is where my dream began. I do not know who I was visiting and have no recollection whatsoever before I passed through the door onto the landing to make my long descent to the street.
I stepped onto the landing, and as the door slowly closed behind me I turned to face the long flight of stairs before me. Halfway through the last set of stairs, perhaps 8 stairs before me, I saw a haggard old woman ascending towards me. She was not the least bit winded from the previous four and a half flights, and would surely complete this last flight without any effort at all. She moved smoothly and steadily; but something about her strength or maybe it was her endurance that made me ill at ease. I looked at her as she looked at me. Milky black pools met my stare, and immediately I knew she was not natural. In an instant I knew that I should lock the door to protect the residents, but the instant I had that thought, but before I could act; she said with a very stern voice "do not dare to lock that door." I shuddered and grabbed my keys to lock it, my hands were shaking but I couldn't get the key into the lock. She had reached my side before I could succeed and I stepped back to see what she would do to me for defying her; for trying to impede her progress; she walked past me and opened the door and slipped behind the narrowing gap as the door slowly closed behind her.
I turned to the stairs and quickly descended; or so I thought. Dream skip. I am walking down a hallway, much like I imagined the corridor to look behind the door I exited at the beginning of the dream. I must be there. I must be near the haggard old woman. That thought was confirmed when I heard her say my name; not the name I answer to now, but the name I was given: Tammy. I looked around to find the voice, but it seemed an ordinary hallway with apartment doors running the length of the wall to my right. I kept walking until I was startled by an open doorway, it was dark, but I could see that right at the entrance was a spiral staircase descending into even more blackness. It made me immediately ill. There was the woman looking at me as she stood on a stair, having already begun her descent; she was looking up at me standing in the doorway. I had another instant thought to shut the door, to shut her in; and again, before I could act; she sternly advised me: "You can not shut death's door."
I woke, completely horrified by the dream. She (the old woman) had no interest in me, conversely; she was also NOT threatened by me either. When she told me not to lock the door; I knew she was evil, so I was CERTAINLY going to try to lock the door! I am not going to obey someone with evil intent...? I am not sure what to think of it, it was more than the tacos I ate for breakfast. very strange.
I had been visiting someone at a 4-5 story apartment building. It was a large cement structure with an external cement staircase. Each landing in the staircase had a locked door leading to the apartment floor where all of the residents' personal apartment entrance was. I was on the top floor and could clearly see over the city from where I stood on the landing; and this is where my dream began. I do not know who I was visiting and have no recollection whatsoever before I passed through the door onto the landing to make my long descent to the street.
I stepped onto the landing, and as the door slowly closed behind me I turned to face the long flight of stairs before me. Halfway through the last set of stairs, perhaps 8 stairs before me, I saw a haggard old woman ascending towards me. She was not the least bit winded from the previous four and a half flights, and would surely complete this last flight without any effort at all. She moved smoothly and steadily; but something about her strength or maybe it was her endurance that made me ill at ease. I looked at her as she looked at me. Milky black pools met my stare, and immediately I knew she was not natural. In an instant I knew that I should lock the door to protect the residents, but the instant I had that thought, but before I could act; she said with a very stern voice "do not dare to lock that door." I shuddered and grabbed my keys to lock it, my hands were shaking but I couldn't get the key into the lock. She had reached my side before I could succeed and I stepped back to see what she would do to me for defying her; for trying to impede her progress; she walked past me and opened the door and slipped behind the narrowing gap as the door slowly closed behind her.
I turned to the stairs and quickly descended; or so I thought. Dream skip. I am walking down a hallway, much like I imagined the corridor to look behind the door I exited at the beginning of the dream. I must be there. I must be near the haggard old woman. That thought was confirmed when I heard her say my name; not the name I answer to now, but the name I was given: Tammy. I looked around to find the voice, but it seemed an ordinary hallway with apartment doors running the length of the wall to my right. I kept walking until I was startled by an open doorway, it was dark, but I could see that right at the entrance was a spiral staircase descending into even more blackness. It made me immediately ill. There was the woman looking at me as she stood on a stair, having already begun her descent; she was looking up at me standing in the doorway. I had another instant thought to shut the door, to shut her in; and again, before I could act; she sternly advised me: "You can not shut death's door."
I woke, completely horrified by the dream. She (the old woman) had no interest in me, conversely; she was also NOT threatened by me either. When she told me not to lock the door; I knew she was evil, so I was CERTAINLY going to try to lock the door! I am not going to obey someone with evil intent...? I am not sure what to think of it, it was more than the tacos I ate for breakfast. very strange.
Monday, February 23, 2009
not spiritually significant dreaming...
I was brought into a delapitated house by our realator. I had driven by a hundred times, and though the house was in a state of disrepair, the potential was there that it could be a beautiful home one day. The windows were huge and one could tell from the outside that it was packed with all sorts of rooms; rooms for books and chairs and children. As we stepped into the house all of my suspicions were confirmed that it needed some work but it would be beautiful, it COULD be beautiful with my decorating sense and vision. We stepped into a room off the right side of the Living room, and into our would-be den, with plenty of wall space for books. As I tried to calculate how many of our bookshelves might fit I noticed at the far end of the room an animal facing the opposite direction. It was huddled over a stale hot dog bun and chewing the saliva softened bits. I crouched over a bit with my hands on my knees as if I were beckoning it to come play. I watched the long tail move slowly though the air in an "S" curve which switched directions when it reached the end of its' "wag" and came back for another slow pass. With child-like wonder I spoke "look. it's a bunny." The animal stopped what it was doing, and in its' independent and introverted ways it turned and looked past us towards the only exiting door and proceeded to leave. I watched it's face as it approached us; This was no bunny! The pointed triangle ears stimulated fear in my heart as I scrambled for cover behind the realtor and I screamed "It's a RAT!" How absolutely disgusting! The realtor stood there and looked side to side at me as I looked over each of his shoulders. The creature walked past us and through the door giving me another look at his tail. I stepped out from behind the realtor when I noticed the heavily furred tail, and in a sigh of relief I reassured myself "it is only a mouse." I looked back to the realtor with a smile on my face, "it is only a mouse". His face was red with anger and frustration as he screamed at me "It's a CAT!" Man, do I feel dumb.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Strong Delusions: Another Dream
It was a Sunday afternoon and we were well within autumn, past the time when the air is crisp and clean, when you want to close your eyes and just take it all in with a great rise and fall of the chest. This air bites back. It is the time after you turn your nose into the wind, and well into the time you burrow down behind your collars or scarves. It was autumn, but not the nice kind. The leaves had already fallen from from the trees and been raked up or mowed over. I was feeling restless and found myself walking through the streets of downtown. It was busy like the Christmas shopping season. Heavy laden people with shopping bags were greeting one another with wide eyes and hands in the air to signal "I am expecting a hug from you" or clasped in front of their faces as they had been sitting on some amazing secret and just waiting to spill the beans. How did these people all know each other, and so well? As I walked down the street I felt a dissonance with what I was experiencing and my ears began to ring. Something is not quite right. Two people embraced one another on the sidewalk just a few paces ahead of me, I was not yet close enough to hear the hug, but by the time I did approach they were talking about the thing they just had to tell the other. They were babbling incoherently. Facing one another, but not seeing one another. They both spoke at the same time, going through the motions, nodding and responding to a conversation they were involved with, but not the conversation with the person they were standing with. Just babbling. I looked around at the other mini reunions and most of the people were talking, which means that most weren't listening. I approached another such reunion and slowed as I passed to so I could hear their conversation without being obvious. Again, it was chaotic as both people were speaking and clearly not responding to each other. I did hear something about peace and a general excitement that peace was here.
I was feeling strange being here; and a bit outnumbered. It reminded me of the time my family was trapped in the pirates ride at Disneyland, the one where you sit in a boat and ride through the pirate world, seeing pirates at work in their natural habitat and singing their uniting work song, something about yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum. When we entered the ride and boarded our little boat it was such a delight to get out of the sun baked reality into this cool and humid other-world. It was fun and smiles until our boat jerked to a halt. Was this normal? Was this a very well-rehearsed part of the ride and nothing to worry about. This pause turned into minutes, the smiles melted into frowns. Yo-ho-ho and we were completely outnumbered by robots who were oblivious to our growing fear and confusion. Scared and on a boat ride buried within a very dark building. The robots slowly wound down and entered "sleep mode" but the song kept going and going and going. The song without the pirates is a song with no context; what do these words even mean anymore? It just turned into babble before our ears. We were eventually unloaded from our boats onto a pathway we had not initially seen, and lead through the bowels of the building to the light outside. Downtown felt a bit like that.
I walked through the city quickly pulling my hoodie up each time it was blown back by the wind and tried to avoid any eye contact. I saw the street that would take me out and walked with confidence into the world that was more familiar. When I raised my head and looked to the distant horizon toward the short buildings of north Minneapolis, I saw one large building in the distance that had not been there before, and it was on fire. Then the word "peace" that the stranger had spoken was confirmed as a lie.
For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie, and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.
2 Thess. 2:11-12
I made my way quickly home. When I had reached the familiar streets of our neighborhood I began to run for my home, excited to tell Mike what had just happened. When I entered the our house, Mike was pacing the floors and praying. He had experienced only what could be described as a ripping, some great spiritual chasm had been created, something was happening that had never before been experienced by men. God had pulled himself back from the world, turning them over to the evil that was about to wage war.
Mike and I gathered what we could carry and started walking. We knew not where we were going, just knowing we would be on foot from now till the end. The streets were being barricaded and the national guard had been deployed to the densely populated urban areas to isolate people in their homes, because isolated peoples are powerless peoples. We walked and walked. On foot, we were no threat to anyone, after all, how far could we actually flee on foot. Most streets had not been closed off yet and those that were still allowed people on foot to pass. They obviously had not received protocols for pedestrians desiring to pass.
As we walked I tried calling my family to let them know the direction we would be travelling and perhaps we could meet up at some future location as I suspected our phones would not be an asset in just a few days or even hours. A man answered when I had called my mothers phone, we both knew he had not acquired this phone honestly, and he was not bothered to tell me he did not know anything about my mother or where she could be found. I had also tried reaching my brother and his family but there was no answer.
Despairing, we continued to walk. I knew that where we were going, we were going by faith and not by sight. When we had reached the area beyond the neighborhoods, we met up with others from our church, and only a small group that I recognized and a larger mass of people that I did not recognize. Nik, a recognized leader in our church told us upon our meeting that he was leading us to a "city of refuge". This sounded good to us. We walked.
When the people saw no buildings in the area and no signs of civilisation they became discouraged, their faith was being tested, and there was a great falling away when the people lost hope. Our group had been thinned and the sadness was great. Nik had taken responsibility for those that were lost, and our pastor confirmed to him that nothing could have been done, there was ALWAYS going to be a falling away. We just needed to go forward. And so we did.
Sheep and Goats - A Dream
There has to be rice somewhere in this house, Or barley! We have one large bag of nuts, some “Craisins,” and three frozen half-filled water bottles. “Pack ‘em! Just pack everything!” My hands were shaking as I was trying to make myself think straight. The perishables, we’ll just have to eat right away; and whatever else we can find, that we can keep for later, we will keep for later. We could be in Wisconsin in just a few hours, or maybe head up north; but without any supplies, we are in for hard times. We had no time to plan with friends and family. We were just barely able to make the time for Mike to go to the store to get what he could; but my specific request was rice and barley. We need rice and barley! We don’t even have the time now to think about water. I mean, I had plenty of time one year ago. I had plenty of time even six months ago, to plan for this trip. It was a trip I had suspected was coming, but only suspected it cyclically (or cynically,) with global changes, an economic scare or a toppling foreign power. I always wondered how this day would go down, and seriously, I never thought it would look like this. Just, what, six hours ago?
Six hours ago, Mike and I were at Lake Calhoun when the call came. I was sitting in the grass watching Mike as he skipped stones over the surface of the water, when I heard my name. Mike heard the same or something similar, not my name, but his, as he and I both looked in the same direction. If we were facing south, we would have been looking southeast, but I don’t know what direction we were facing. I only think in terms of south/southeast because that is the direction I point my telescope to see the planets as they come up over the horizon. The call was coming from THAT direction. Other people were looking as bewildered as I felt, as they packed their picnic things, or the things they brought to the park. Then we all started walking, all of us; all of those who had initially acknowledged the otherwise silent voice coming from the southeast direction, if indeed we were facing south. There was no pause for discussion, no quarreling couples who had to cut their afternoon short. There was only obedience. I can’t say that any of us were surprised, I certainly wasn’t… surprised? More, bewildered. This isn’t exactly how I thought it would happen. I thought I’d have more time to prepare, had certainly hoped I wouldn’t be walking on foot. The transportation plans I had assumed was to be airborne, taken up into the clouds in the “twinkling of an eye”. We walked along in silence, collecting more people as we walked, like a giant snowball forming spontaneously. We walked through the streets and more were being added to our number. No one had any questions for the person walking next to them, as knowledge had been deposited into each and every one of us. So, we walked. There was an audible volume to the mass minus the words, like an army, it was the sound of determination. I looked through the crowd for any familiar face, but other than that of my husbands’ I saw no one I knew. No idea what united us; except that we were walking together right now, going to the same place. Not knowing the destination, but without a doubt, knowing the direction. We walked through uptown, merging only with other travelers as they emerged from the neighborhoods. The neighbors winced when they passed the shade of the trees lining their residential streets and they stepped onto the city street where the sun was bearing down. This happened at most intersections, collecting a few more bewildered people as we walked. The largest group we encountered was a group of similar size when we entered downtown. The merge was not awkward. Everyone made room for the others, and without a missed step, we walked. However, it wasn’t until we cleared the skyscrapers that the final destination was made clear.
The Metrodome was the solitary building on a huge plot of land. Groups of people were filing in to the dome, and more people were coming from around the back, as if they had come from the neighborhoods on the Southside. I started to see some familiar faces, faces of my friends from church, coming in small groups of their own, small silent troops. As we all made our way down to the field, the silence broke as thousands of people began to chat with one another, surprised to see one another. I overheard a thousand conversations all talking about their similar invitation to come. Each called by name. A thousand conversations about what they were doing when the call came. As the last people trickled in and found a place to stand, silence moved over the crowd like a wave. The people moved to make way for the last man to step onto the Astroturf. Every eye was on this man who commanded all authority, who had the power to silence the crowd with his presence. This man with so much power stepped toward one stranger. She was a stranger to me, obviously not to Him. He whispered something into her ear, and she stepped away. The next stranger was spoken to and stepped away, and another. This continued for quite some time as each person was spoken to in private. This man was Jesus. What He had to say to each person made sense to them, but I was still waiting to hear what that was. Jesus walked up to Mike, leaned into his ear and said his piece. I struggled to hear the words, but it was only ever intended for Mike. I heard nothing, not even the slightest lisp that might come from an “s” sound. When Mike heard the message he walked away. He never acknowledged me, never told me where he was going; he just quietly and peacefully walked away. I was stunned, but I had no time to be indignant. Jesus put his hands on my shoulders, leaned into my ear and said “I will come back to you”. What?! Before I could ask Him what he meant, he was whispering in someone else’s ear. What was THAT?! I got back into the waiting crowd and in the most “Christian” way, I bullied my way to the front. Jesus smiled at my persistence but just shook his head “no”. Dejected, I walked away to an area where the crowd had thinned, but it was an area that gave me a better perspective of what was happening. I saw one group of people gathered at the far end of the field and I remembered seeing the face of the first stranger that Jesus had spoken to. There she was. Jesus had spoken to her, yet she was so sad. She wore a lifetime of sorrow in her eyes. There were no tears and no more bewilderment; just knowledge or perhaps more appropriately, acknowledgment.
I scanned that crowd for Mike, but could not find him. That is when I noticed the other group, in the stands. Waiting for their friends and family; or just catching up with friends they hadn’t seen in awhile. There was Mike, talking to some friends from seminary. He was smiling and chatting about Greek, I presumed. I looked again at the disparity between the two groups and realized this was the judgment, the separating of the goats and the sheep. If this was the judgment, than nothing is like I thought it would be; and I have been given some time to make sure I am right with God. I did not fear, I just prayed an honest prayer. Jesus returned to me, leaned into my ear and said “you’re in.” I made my way to the stands but I stopped before joining Mike. I turned to the crowd that I had noticed previously at the far end of the field and was filled with sadness. It just didn’t seem like anyone had enough time to get it “right”. Obviously some had, the group I was going to join had gotten it “right”? I looked to the group milling around in the stands, laughing and talking; and I wondered if they knew the significance of this moment. I wondered if they knew what was going on. As I looked to the field one last time I thought, “There, but for the grace of God go I”. What more could I say or think? I couldn’t bear to even imagine still being on the field waiting for judgment or worse still, finding my place with the people at the far end. I spotted Mike in the stands and ran up the stairs to join him. And, just as I had expected he was talking about Greek. I tried to call people’s attention to the importance of this moment, maybe have a time of reflection for those who did not make it; but people were gathering up their things and saying their goodbyes and filing out of the seating area. Mike and I had joined a few others on the stairs as we neared the concessions area and emptied into the large concrete hallway.
Instead of the dull gray coolness of concrete, our eyes were met with an explosion of color: deep reds, vibrant oranges, and my favorite color, the one that makes me happiest, kryptonite green. Really, all the colors were represented, but this was not heaven; it was a marketplace represented by every country, as far as I could tell. Ethnic wares, trinkets, pottery, jewelry and carpets were being sold from all over the world. Vendors were calling out to the crowds, but not us. The crowds they were calling out to were invisible crowds. Or, maybe WE were the invisible crowds? We would walk past a seller who looked through us, to bargain with someone at a distance. It felt so other-worldly. I was present, but didn’t belong. I stopped along the way to look at a simple pretty silver ring, and I thought about all the simple pretty silver rings I could never have again. I mourned the loss of this world with a sigh as I looked up from the display case. We were still physically HERE though, but… irrelevant. None of this was making sense. Shouldn’t we be gone by now, shouldn’t we be in heaven. If this isn’t heaven, then nothing is going according to plan and everything we thought we knew was wrong. I just couldn’t get this out of my head. I knew exactly what to do before. So, what do we do now? Do we run? Turn ourselves in? Go to work tomorrow as if nothing happened? I stepped to the edge of the hall to take it all in. This was no longer a place for us. The economic system we had seamlessly woven ourselves into and indebted ourselves to no longer belonged to us.
Then I saw something I hadn’t seen before.
The man who sells the pretty silver rings leaned over his display case to rub my fingerprints from the glass; as he did, I saw something rise and hover behind him. He breathed on the glass and used the cuff of his shirt to polish; unaware of the thing behind him. What can I call this thing, besides “this thing”? This thing didn’t propel itself, it adhered itself to him. It didn’t move, it consumed. It didn’t make a noise, it created a vacuum. It had no agenda only malicious intent. Its form is really quite insignificant, so insignificant that I had never noticed it before. It was gun-metal gray, a sphere with 4 or 5 tentacles. What was jarring was not, as I said, its appearance but it its intension. This was no accident. I watched the man to see if he might respond to it, or be bothered by it; but instead he smiled at his reflection in the glass, checked his teeth and resumed his sales pitch. He waved his arms in the air, as if he were casting spells or taking flight, beckoning anyone, if they dare, to resist his pitch. I scanned the faces of others in the area to see if they had noticed this thing as well; but it was as if my eyes had been opened.
As I looked through the crowd I began seeing these things everywhere, in all the places I had not seen them before. Always adhering to someone’s side, or hovering over their shoulder. My mouth tasted sour and my saliva was warm, I felt sick to my stomach as I thought “I am not prepared for this”. I turned my back to the crowd, preferring instead to stare at a concrete wall so I could think. Maybe if I don’t see those things, maybe they won’t see me? I bowed my head and faced the wall, Think! Think! I implored myself. That was when I realized we had already received everything we needed for whatever lie ahead. We have eyes to see what we had not seen before. I don't know what will happen now, but I do know that we have all that we need. With a new confidence, I opened my eyes to see the city stretched out as far as I could see. Millions of spheres, one on every pedestrian, large spheres over buildings; Minneapolis had been infested. One short prayer of dread and realization, “Oh, God” as I took Mike’s hand and looked him in the eyes, “We need to run!”
Six hours ago, Mike and I were at Lake Calhoun when the call came. I was sitting in the grass watching Mike as he skipped stones over the surface of the water, when I heard my name. Mike heard the same or something similar, not my name, but his, as he and I both looked in the same direction. If we were facing south, we would have been looking southeast, but I don’t know what direction we were facing. I only think in terms of south/southeast because that is the direction I point my telescope to see the planets as they come up over the horizon. The call was coming from THAT direction. Other people were looking as bewildered as I felt, as they packed their picnic things, or the things they brought to the park. Then we all started walking, all of us; all of those who had initially acknowledged the otherwise silent voice coming from the southeast direction, if indeed we were facing south. There was no pause for discussion, no quarreling couples who had to cut their afternoon short. There was only obedience. I can’t say that any of us were surprised, I certainly wasn’t… surprised? More, bewildered. This isn’t exactly how I thought it would happen. I thought I’d have more time to prepare, had certainly hoped I wouldn’t be walking on foot. The transportation plans I had assumed was to be airborne, taken up into the clouds in the “twinkling of an eye”. We walked along in silence, collecting more people as we walked, like a giant snowball forming spontaneously. We walked through the streets and more were being added to our number. No one had any questions for the person walking next to them, as knowledge had been deposited into each and every one of us. So, we walked. There was an audible volume to the mass minus the words, like an army, it was the sound of determination. I looked through the crowd for any familiar face, but other than that of my husbands’ I saw no one I knew. No idea what united us; except that we were walking together right now, going to the same place. Not knowing the destination, but without a doubt, knowing the direction. We walked through uptown, merging only with other travelers as they emerged from the neighborhoods. The neighbors winced when they passed the shade of the trees lining their residential streets and they stepped onto the city street where the sun was bearing down. This happened at most intersections, collecting a few more bewildered people as we walked. The largest group we encountered was a group of similar size when we entered downtown. The merge was not awkward. Everyone made room for the others, and without a missed step, we walked. However, it wasn’t until we cleared the skyscrapers that the final destination was made clear.
The Metrodome was the solitary building on a huge plot of land. Groups of people were filing in to the dome, and more people were coming from around the back, as if they had come from the neighborhoods on the Southside. I started to see some familiar faces, faces of my friends from church, coming in small groups of their own, small silent troops. As we all made our way down to the field, the silence broke as thousands of people began to chat with one another, surprised to see one another. I overheard a thousand conversations all talking about their similar invitation to come. Each called by name. A thousand conversations about what they were doing when the call came. As the last people trickled in and found a place to stand, silence moved over the crowd like a wave. The people moved to make way for the last man to step onto the Astroturf. Every eye was on this man who commanded all authority, who had the power to silence the crowd with his presence. This man with so much power stepped toward one stranger. She was a stranger to me, obviously not to Him. He whispered something into her ear, and she stepped away. The next stranger was spoken to and stepped away, and another. This continued for quite some time as each person was spoken to in private. This man was Jesus. What He had to say to each person made sense to them, but I was still waiting to hear what that was. Jesus walked up to Mike, leaned into his ear and said his piece. I struggled to hear the words, but it was only ever intended for Mike. I heard nothing, not even the slightest lisp that might come from an “s” sound. When Mike heard the message he walked away. He never acknowledged me, never told me where he was going; he just quietly and peacefully walked away. I was stunned, but I had no time to be indignant. Jesus put his hands on my shoulders, leaned into my ear and said “I will come back to you”. What?! Before I could ask Him what he meant, he was whispering in someone else’s ear. What was THAT?! I got back into the waiting crowd and in the most “Christian” way, I bullied my way to the front. Jesus smiled at my persistence but just shook his head “no”. Dejected, I walked away to an area where the crowd had thinned, but it was an area that gave me a better perspective of what was happening. I saw one group of people gathered at the far end of the field and I remembered seeing the face of the first stranger that Jesus had spoken to. There she was. Jesus had spoken to her, yet she was so sad. She wore a lifetime of sorrow in her eyes. There were no tears and no more bewilderment; just knowledge or perhaps more appropriately, acknowledgment.
I scanned that crowd for Mike, but could not find him. That is when I noticed the other group, in the stands. Waiting for their friends and family; or just catching up with friends they hadn’t seen in awhile. There was Mike, talking to some friends from seminary. He was smiling and chatting about Greek, I presumed. I looked again at the disparity between the two groups and realized this was the judgment, the separating of the goats and the sheep. If this was the judgment, than nothing is like I thought it would be; and I have been given some time to make sure I am right with God. I did not fear, I just prayed an honest prayer. Jesus returned to me, leaned into my ear and said “you’re in.” I made my way to the stands but I stopped before joining Mike. I turned to the crowd that I had noticed previously at the far end of the field and was filled with sadness. It just didn’t seem like anyone had enough time to get it “right”. Obviously some had, the group I was going to join had gotten it “right”? I looked to the group milling around in the stands, laughing and talking; and I wondered if they knew the significance of this moment. I wondered if they knew what was going on. As I looked to the field one last time I thought, “There, but for the grace of God go I”. What more could I say or think? I couldn’t bear to even imagine still being on the field waiting for judgment or worse still, finding my place with the people at the far end. I spotted Mike in the stands and ran up the stairs to join him. And, just as I had expected he was talking about Greek. I tried to call people’s attention to the importance of this moment, maybe have a time of reflection for those who did not make it; but people were gathering up their things and saying their goodbyes and filing out of the seating area. Mike and I had joined a few others on the stairs as we neared the concessions area and emptied into the large concrete hallway.
Instead of the dull gray coolness of concrete, our eyes were met with an explosion of color: deep reds, vibrant oranges, and my favorite color, the one that makes me happiest, kryptonite green. Really, all the colors were represented, but this was not heaven; it was a marketplace represented by every country, as far as I could tell. Ethnic wares, trinkets, pottery, jewelry and carpets were being sold from all over the world. Vendors were calling out to the crowds, but not us. The crowds they were calling out to were invisible crowds. Or, maybe WE were the invisible crowds? We would walk past a seller who looked through us, to bargain with someone at a distance. It felt so other-worldly. I was present, but didn’t belong. I stopped along the way to look at a simple pretty silver ring, and I thought about all the simple pretty silver rings I could never have again. I mourned the loss of this world with a sigh as I looked up from the display case. We were still physically HERE though, but… irrelevant. None of this was making sense. Shouldn’t we be gone by now, shouldn’t we be in heaven. If this isn’t heaven, then nothing is going according to plan and everything we thought we knew was wrong. I just couldn’t get this out of my head. I knew exactly what to do before. So, what do we do now? Do we run? Turn ourselves in? Go to work tomorrow as if nothing happened? I stepped to the edge of the hall to take it all in. This was no longer a place for us. The economic system we had seamlessly woven ourselves into and indebted ourselves to no longer belonged to us.
Then I saw something I hadn’t seen before.
The man who sells the pretty silver rings leaned over his display case to rub my fingerprints from the glass; as he did, I saw something rise and hover behind him. He breathed on the glass and used the cuff of his shirt to polish; unaware of the thing behind him. What can I call this thing, besides “this thing”? This thing didn’t propel itself, it adhered itself to him. It didn’t move, it consumed. It didn’t make a noise, it created a vacuum. It had no agenda only malicious intent. Its form is really quite insignificant, so insignificant that I had never noticed it before. It was gun-metal gray, a sphere with 4 or 5 tentacles. What was jarring was not, as I said, its appearance but it its intension. This was no accident. I watched the man to see if he might respond to it, or be bothered by it; but instead he smiled at his reflection in the glass, checked his teeth and resumed his sales pitch. He waved his arms in the air, as if he were casting spells or taking flight, beckoning anyone, if they dare, to resist his pitch. I scanned the faces of others in the area to see if they had noticed this thing as well; but it was as if my eyes had been opened.
As I looked through the crowd I began seeing these things everywhere, in all the places I had not seen them before. Always adhering to someone’s side, or hovering over their shoulder. My mouth tasted sour and my saliva was warm, I felt sick to my stomach as I thought “I am not prepared for this”. I turned my back to the crowd, preferring instead to stare at a concrete wall so I could think. Maybe if I don’t see those things, maybe they won’t see me? I bowed my head and faced the wall, Think! Think! I implored myself. That was when I realized we had already received everything we needed for whatever lie ahead. We have eyes to see what we had not seen before. I don't know what will happen now, but I do know that we have all that we need. With a new confidence, I opened my eyes to see the city stretched out as far as I could see. Millions of spheres, one on every pedestrian, large spheres over buildings; Minneapolis had been infested. One short prayer of dread and realization, “Oh, God” as I took Mike’s hand and looked him in the eyes, “We need to run!”
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